Duck, Speak!

Hello. Feeling fat? My name is Zabazar Jimbekte, the royal prince of Timbuktu, and it i s my official duty to inform you that you've won the Tribal Lottery of Sankore!!! That's right you are entitled to Totally Free 1000 iPod Nanos of your choice. All you have to do is send me a nominal fee of 500 penis enlargement pills to cover the cost of making a wire transfer into your account. If you do not have 500 penis pills I just hear do this great way to make mad cash flippin' houses for a profit. I know a guy who QUIT HIS JOB and spends 30 seconds a year turning money pits into gold. That's right you can be a huge man with pockets full of Nano and profit all from the comfort of you home if you accept this lottery invitation to burn fat from your secret celebrity quiz! If you can tell me which of these people is the most famous I'll throw in Playstations from Macy's. I just got mine and it was so easy to obtain, i QUIT MY JOB (to solicit my friends non-stop for 5 weeks to earn point rewards).
•Angelina Jolie
•Paris Hilton
•Beyonce Knowles

CORRECT! Click your state to find out the mortgage savings you could earn by completely this survey that also entitles you to twice the Lottery winnings your dead Aunt Rosa my have left for you outside the door. Go check! May take 2-3 centuries to arrive. Until then I have ringtones for your camera that are so hot I dropped my mp3 Phone. Soulja Boy Britney Spears 50 Cent and more! Just send me the Penis Pills already!

Thanks! How are you doing.



said the little boy working at the market. "I do fancy a joy every now and then. Edna rejoiced at the news because all of her spirits were expressed in full sentences, similar to those of normal human being who speak English and have the common decency to at least stop sending penis enlargement advertisement to male strangers. She finally replied to the boy, "I so love spam. It really makes my day!" The brown dog jumped over the grey ma


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Wisdom Words (that are Wise!)

It's not how far you fall, but how you land.

Printer paper, fax paper, and copy paper are all one.

I forgot the 3rd one.

Soup, Not See

Pt 1 of my re-toonification of Uncle Eddie's soup antics(1, 2).

The Age of Music

I spent the day watching documentaries about calssic masterpieces of visual art. At some moment bewtween movies it occured to me that
the visual arts (painting, sculture, and argualbly architecture. others?) seemed to have a certain pervasive influence that they don't seem to have today. Maybe the documentarians exaggerated the cultural influence artists of old had on culture at large. In any case the fact is that in today's world the visual arts play second fiddle to music (no pun intended). Think about it. If you ask the average person to name 5 painters living or dead it's a struggle to get more than Picasso and Rembrandt. however, if you ask someone to name 10 dead musicians that they hear on a regular basis it'd be like turning on a faucet. Ho

How did this come to be? I think Music always had a couple of advantages over visual art. One, you can dance to it. No matter how powerful a masterpiece you can muster, you could never make one that would instantaneously make a crowd of people staart bouncing their bodies. Two, it's always been easier to distribute. Even before sheet music it was faster to teach someone a sng than to make a reproduction of a drawing. It'd very unlikely that everyone in a whole culture would have seen the same painting, sculpture or building but it's very likely for most of a population to know a whole cache of the same songs.



However, the visual arts had a few advantages of their own. One is the permanence of the original piece. With almost any work of art you can point to it and say. "look at that. He mad ethat with his own hands." And almost feel the artists' physical presence. Of course we have on paper every note of great composers of the past but it doesn't ahve the direct tangibility. It's even worse for musicians. The "performances" of master painters and sculptures last for centuries but the legacy of a musician never lasted past the generation of people who could actually hear the performance. But of course that all changed with Edison.

Once the phonograph and later the moving picture came about , specific performances could be viewed by millions of people and replayed for generations after. Now music has all the cards stacked in its favor. It has the permanence and the directness to the creator that was once exclusive to art plus it's more distributable and dancey than ever. A fan could listen to evey breath of a perfornce bya musician that died 50 years before she was born. And notes and noises of studio albums regularly contain all the intricate, meticulous, and loving detail of a van Eyck oil painting.

Music is King. Movies, suposedly the king o visual arts are gradually becoming nothing more than elaborate music videos for the soundtrack. Despite Napsterization the music industry it does billions in sales. And who the heck tries to illegally download a painting anyway? Musicians consistently sell out arena events. Most people know who picasso is but how many of them have actually seen his work? Meanwhile, everyone hears britey Spears whether we want to or not.

Cartoons i think might be the only art o have the potential to usurp music, but that's for another post.

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Voters of 2020 Prepare for My Election

The year 2020 is the first year I'll be eligible for the office of The President of the United States of America*. But why wait. If there is a groundswell of support for my candidacy we could change the constitution to get me in sooner. I'd much rather be president in 2012, when my favorite parts of the country are still above sea level. Of course mis-interpretation of the constitution is much more profuse than actual amendments. In that case I could land the position of Bush-Family-Member In Chief by 2009 if i nail one of the twins.


In any case, I ought to be your president, and you WANT me to be your Decider in Chief. Here's why:

•You'll go from "Government bad" to "Government good." I believe the government should be benevolent whenever possible and never do anything harmful if it can be helped. Think Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics. The only thing the government can know about you is whatever you share in the deca-annual census provided for by the constitution. It won't lock you up or spy on you or kick sand in your face. On the other hand it will give you everything you need from housing to healthcare to puppies. THat's right! The government will give you puppies! And iPods. Seriously i don't know how people live without those.

•Guns ok if guns point out. The only think I hate more than gun violence is domestic gun violence. I don't mind if people own guns. All for it, but you can't aim it at any living creature within US borders. So basically guns can only be operated US borders or 20 miles of the coast. Sorry Mexicans.

•Good news for Mexicans! Wal*Mart's coming! That's right I say the US should do away with NAFTA and just outright buy Mexico. Aliens already here will become full citizens (or slaves depending on the purchase contract). Americans will get an LA the stretches all the way down teh west coast to house all the 15-minute stars that YouTube produces and a lot of vacationing resort. And Mangos. Best of all the Guatamala-US border wall will be much cheaper to build than the current Tancredo proposal.

•New York moves next to Hawaii. I would add that they also become seperate countries, but that would be too much of a loss in tourist revenue. Perhaps they get to make their own laws as long as we get a profit cut.

•Dispose of Nukes into the sun. We all know that nuclear bombs are dangerous, and the sun will eventually burn out. Why not prevent our own demise 2-fold by disposing of nukes and giving the sun a few more hours of fuel. Rocket fuel too much of a risk? Use a solar rocket that, it will just go faster as it gets closer tot he sun.

•All property and income taxes to be paid in pennies, by hand ...personally. In fact all payment shall be made this way. People will be a little more hesitant to splurge. Rich people will get so sick of carrying around huge sacks of coins all the time that they'll gladly hand it over to some able-bodied blue collar workers with mouths to feed.

Did I mention the Free Puppies and iPods?

*Look out, Un-United States of Africa!

Violence

Peopel who belive violence is necessary are only seeing a small part of the picture. If you think about the root of violent act, they usually originate out of the need to take something from someone else. People use force to take others' resources, labors, or whatever. When people say violence is necessary for survival they assume that there isn't enough of something to go around (oil, food, etc). However, most estimates of worldwide resources and production potential exceed the needs of the current population . If supplies were evenly distributed, that is. So basically if we redirected our efforts from fighting and hording towards distribution and greater productivity everyone would be sitting pretty.

Now, the question is what shall be the social mechanism(s) by which to achieve this goal.

Now that's a Show!

Not just cuz it's a lot of people. (a la 40 rappers grunting on stage) They're interesting too. Too bad the song is kinda lame.

Security

You gotta be kiddin me!


And apparently the correct answer is NOT xgxkxswzk. It's getting to the point where the ONLY thing that can read these things are complicated hacking programs. But i guess it's better than the alternative of insane amounts of spam.

Might I note the parallels in the inconvenience/security trade-off of airport security.

Yeah, I know it's 'C' and not a 'G'. I just figured it out now. If anyone else sees a really indecipherable security scramble like this send it too me. I want a collection of this insanity.

Planet Krylon

Let's travel far into the outer reaches of the galaxy. Envision a planet much like our own in many way except for the fact that the people of that planet hold dear the belief in free public expression and it would almost never occur to anyone to restrict such expression. This is planet Krylon, where everyone communicates through graffiti. Oh sure the people can talk and sign and write blocks of text, but they find these modes of communication primitive and limited. They feel free to illustrate all their ideas instead. Whereas , here on Earth we communicate primarily by sending sound through ever ubiquitous atmospheric gases, on Krylon they use whatever surface is available to them to spontaneously paint their ideas. And there is always surface availble.

Be warned, young traveller! Such an illustrious world is no dreamland of artists. Where there is art, there is deception. An Earthling would have a tough time navigating Krylon. Besides the intense visual clutter the perpetually surrounds you, there are those that persistently try to confuse other. For example on any corner there might be ten seemingly identical street signs all with different names. The true sign may have the ability to repel any type of surface pigment or obstruction, but there are no laws banning public sculpture of any kind. The residents of course evolved into very discerning folks indeed and can immediately spot the prevelant knockoffs of anything.

But what of professional artists on this planet. If everyone paints and sculpts constantly is there any place for art for art's sake? "Well", an inhabitant might reply (in coloring of course), "don't you have gifted orators, actors, writers, and poets that transcend the normal use you your own common medium?" Truly, not everyone on Krylon is gifted, but everyone does draw. They just don't stop at grade school. On Krylon chiildren are raised to be articulate in all media.

Ok, and that's when i got tired of writing. About halfway through I just started making it up on the fly, as opposed to the first half of the piece, which were ideas bottled up in my head for over an hour waiting to be solidified. Open to suggestions as to how to end this. See any typos? I'm sure it's chock full. Where are my grammar-maniacs!

Graffiti: What’s it for?

I just saw a couple short documentaries on graffiti. In both artists were posed with questions of why they do it and whether it should be/is legal. They almsot uniiversally cited graffiti as a form of expression that benefits themselves and the onlooker (AKA everyone). To the second question almost none of them questioned the illegality of the act. "it should be illegal. I mean we're putting posters on other people's shit [paraphrase]," commented one unidentified artist. While some even reveled in its status for the thrill-factor. Somehow, these two ideas seem incongruous to me.If this public art is so rewarding to the artists and the community then why should it be illegal, and why not do it through legal channels (as none of the artist did for a majority of their work)?

I think the fundamental aspect of graffiti's allure is as a form of protest. By purposefully breaking the law your action becomes a protest of that law. Most people only do things they personally believe should be allowed. Vandalism of corporate advertisements, especially corporate-sponsored graffiti, in a way rejects the notion that public visual space can only be sold to the highest bitter. It's a statement that the public space belongs to the public at large, not just dollar-powered private entities.

Graffiti culture asserts that evolution of the public space in the new millennium shall operate by survival of the most creative rather survival of the richest. Why should we bow to the elite who write anti-graffiti laws to protects the advertising interests? I say that all public visual art should be legal, and that if people don't want the public facades of their property reface should make that surface so visually enjoyable that no one would feel the need to cover it.